I just did 3 weddings in a row in July...one each week except for the very first weekend. I am "weddinged" out! The good news is that I am beginning to feel like a pro when it comes to weddings. Here are some things I have learned about weddings, especially over the past few weeks (in no particular order).
1. There will always be at least one person in the wedding party or involved in the wedding somehow who will drive you up the wall. FInd a way to calmly deal with them.
2. Take control of the rehearsal early. I had a wedding planner who had everyone arrive half an hour early for the rehearsal and proceeded to take it over before I walked in! Needless to say, when I did walk in, I calmly walked up to the front, let her finish her piece and said, "Hello, I'm the pastor. Here's what's going to happen tonight."
3. Designate ONE person (usually the best man) to pick up the rings if one happens to fall. Luckily, I did not learn this the hard way, but it was something that I learned to mention during the rehearsal.
4. Tell the photographer that it is not appropriate (and it is unprofessional) to stop the wedding party processional as they are walking down the aisle to take a picture. This woman was standing in the middle of the aisle, stopping the wedding party as they came down! It was the longest processional (and recessional) ever! Seriously!
5. Tell the bride and groom that they do not need to jam the rings onto their fingers on the wedding day. Hands will be sweaty. They can work the rings the rest of the way on later.
6. I do not think that young children should be involved in weddings. Hate me if you want, but I think it's a horrible idea!
7. When people look at the church as they decide to get married there, tell them which large banners (if any) will be hanging during their wedding. We had a mother of the bride freak out because our larger Easter banner was hanging during her daughter's wedding and we cannot take those down without an army of people. Her reason for freaking out? "That wasn't here when we looked at the church!"
8. If the couple wants to show a slide show of themselves before the ceremony as people gather, make sure you take a look at the pictures. The other week, we had a slideshow filled with pictures of people holding beers and partying on the beach in tiny bikinis. How did they think that was appropriate for a church wedding? Beats me!
9. Be assertive. Often times, people think that because they have been in a wedding before, that they know what's going on and do not want to listen to the minister. I am a small person, a female, and a pastor. Groomsmen especially don't know what to think of me half the time! I've learned to be assertive with everyone and make sure that everyone does listen and take me and the wedding seriously. Some wedding parties have been easier to work with than others!
10. When the couple wants you to co-officiate with another pastor, make sure to tell the pastor to keep the message/wedding homily short and to the point, and to make it PERSONAL about the couple. I learned that the hard way and ended up hearing a rather inappropriate wedding message that lasted about 15 minutes.
11. Sometimes it's hard to figure out what the pastor's place is in a wedding weekend. Most people that I've married are not members of the church and only need me to marry them and then send me on my way. Yet they invite me to be a part of their special day. They may not even believe in God or will never step foot in the church again. I remember to tell myself that even if it is for a short time, we showed God's hospitality to them, we gave them a sacred wedding ceremony, and we've asked God's blessing to be upon their marriage. That's all we can really do!
12. If your church does a lot of weddings and does not have a designated church wedding coordinator, fight to get one. If you do have one already, thank him/her profusely for what they do and have to put up with!
13. It is when I do weddings that I get the "you are so young" comment the most. I just smile and wait for the comment to come later, "That was a beautiful ceremony! Thank you, Reverend!" Thanks, I actually do know what I'm doing!
Happy officiating!
Thinking about Protocol Droids
1 week ago
1 comment:
As a wedding vendor, I wholly support all these suggestions with a minor change for the "young children" one. Here's what we reccomend for those who absolutely want kids in the ceremony.
If the kid is UNDER five years old:
1)Match them with an older sibling or kid to walk with.
2) No other kids? Consider placing them with the first bridesmaid, who can walk with them down the aisle.
3) It's too distracting for them to remember more than one thing. Just focus on getting them down the aisle! Do NOT give them any other tasks to do (i.e. throw flowers, smile, etc) other than "Walk to where you see Mom/Dad/Grandma/Grandpa/etc."
4) Make sure Mom/Dad/Grandma/Grandpa/etc is in place at the front and has practice getting and keeping the kid's attention.
If they are older than 5, I've generally found that you can use your discretion and knowledge of the kid to decide what's best (walk alone, walk with someone, toss flowers, don't toss flowers, etc).
The most important thing about having kids at the wedding is being willing to totally forego all your planning and hopes at the last moment and let them simply not do it. It happens!
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