Meanwhile, the woman who I talked about a few posts ago has passed away after a short battle with cancer. I saw her diagnosed to getting hopeful news, to not being able to breathe or eat. I literally watched her waste away over a few week period. The head pastor and I have both been asked to preside at her funeral, which is this week. I feel honored to do so because I have felt connected to her lately, and have learned a lot about her. This will be my first funeral...and I'm so glad that I'm not going it alone! It's amazing the faith that people have. The one thing I keep hearing over and over again is that she kept saying that she was going to see her daughter again (who was killed by a drunk driver). That's enough for me to feel somewhat happy that she has passed, knowing that her faith went with her, and that I hope she is with her daughter in the next life. For those of you who know me well, you know that the afterlife is something I struggle with. I was not really raised to believe in a heaven (or hell for that matter), and the reformed Jewish movement really didn't emphasize an afterlife- just the fact that people we love that pass on keep living through memories and stories that we share with one another. They remain with us in that way. I always appreciated that view. And now that I'm a Christian I am faced with beliefs about going to heaven, and taking comfort in the fact that death is simply the next step, and that we are going to be with God, and that we are in an unfathomably amazing place beyond our wildest dreams. The problem is that it's honestly hard for me to believe in that. Many ask me how I can believe in the resurrection and not in heaven. I really can't answer that, and I'm not saying I don't believe in heaven. I just don't have a good sense of how or why people believe in it. Is it for comfort? Is it because we actually believe that something lives on in us after we die? Is it because we can't fathom not being alive? I don't really have an answer right now. How do we really define heaven or an afterlife anyway? Let's just say that the last question I answered for my commissioning papers was the one about eternal life, and I struggled all the way through it.
I had my first meeting with the casual worship committee tonight, and it was kind of a mess. I had someone there who just wanted to complain because she went to the 11:00 service just because she didn't want to wake up for the first one (traditional service), and she wasn't really into the contemporary thing. Come on, seriously? If you don't like the service, learn to set an alarm and go to the service you feel more connected with. And of course, no one will agree on anything, and people are affected by different types of things. I just didn't feel like it went anywhere. I'm going to need a lot of prayers and good thoughts sent my way just so I can stay on this in a way that is positive for everyone involved. On a positive note, people are liking the subtle changes being made, especially the music (not so subtle) that I am picking out. So we are going somewhat in the right direction. I just wonder what all this is going to take, and I know I can't do it alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment