Worry Worry Worry

For those of you who know me well, I am a worrier.  I worry about a lot of things.  It doesn't matter whether it's something that might happen 20 years from now, or if it's something going on this week- I worry about it.  Sometimes, ok, most of the time, my worrying gets the better of me and I get mad at myself for worrying, because I know that in the end, I shouldn't be so worried and anxious.  I should trust more, and that means trusting myself, God, the ways of the world in general, and in particular, trusting the people I love the most.  My individualistic personality sometimes has a way of not being able to let go and let others do what they need to do.  So the lesson I need to learn is simply this: let go, because sometimes things need to happen on their own time.  Do not worry!  Jesus himself even tells us not to worry about what we wear, what we eat or drink...what will happen tomorrow or the next day...give it over to God.  It's not always easy to do this, especially for someone stubborn like me.  But I need to be able to embrace the unpredictable, the unknown, and the exciting.  I need to open myself up to the many possibilities in a situation and not be so focused on what is known fact.  I know that if I can do this, the world will be more welcoming in my eyes.  If I can be open to the spontaneous and the random, I might be a less worried person.  One of my favorite quotes is from Brian Andreas, who creates stories and poems called "Story People."  It says, "If you hold onto the handle, she said, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control.  But it's more fun if you just let the wind carry you."  Life is not planned.  It is an adventure with ups and downs, twists and turns, dreams coming true, disappointments, happiness and sadness.  If I can learn to live with that, I will be much better off, and probably a stronger person of faith.  I titled my blog "Settling for Butterflies," because Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City) once says that some people just settle, and some people will not settle for anything less than butterflies.  She means that some people just settle for the so-so things in life, while others crave the excitement and the unknown- they need the butterflies in their stomach.  I am hoping that I can learn to settle for butterflies- the excitement, the unknown, the unplanned.  Besides, didn't someone once say, "If you want to make God laugh, make plans"?  Maybe I can eventually learn to make God laugh less, and be okay with knowing that I do not know everything.  The mystery of life and death is a beautiful and terrifying thing.  And that is all that we can really be sure of for now.