Calling, Mission, and Vision

These 3 words have been in my head over the last few weeks and months.  Why?  Because I am in the midst of discerning all 3 for my personal vocation, my appointment in Morgantown, and the church itself.  This has been a transition of ups and downs, good days and bad days, busy days and sloooow days, and feelings of: happiness, being affirmed, and encouraged, to frustrated, bored, unfulfilled, and confused.  I face questions each day of:  why am I here?  What is my purpose in this place?  What does the church need from me?  What do they need in general?  What is their mission and vision, their hopes?  Believe me, I spend a lot of time asking these questions and seeking the answers. It has been 6 months, and since I am not a patient person, these answers are taking a LONG time to acquire.  I've also had days where I've struggled with whether or not I'm even in the right vocation.  Then I receive nice emails from parishioners or the district superintendent about all of the "great" things I am doing, and that is nice, but my personal life feels unfulfilled at the moment and I feel like there is not much for me to be doing.  I've been seeking out things to do and making things happen, but maybe I need to do more for the church and more for myself.  I feel disconnected to the church, the Church (in general), from friends and community, and even my husband a little, since there is honestly not too much to talk about in our house right now. Things are very quiet and not much is happening.  And of course, it's been one big frustration that speaks for itself about his difficulty finding a job.

So I am faced with these 3 words: Calling, Mission, Vision.

Calling:  My calling as a pastor.  What is it?  I attended a brief workshop last week with a pastor of a large Indianapolis church who said that we as pastors need to find our "calling within a calling."  We are called to ministry, but to what type of ministry, and what do our gifts say about the kind of ministry to which we are called?  I feel like I'm trying to figure that out- I've had large church experience, and now I'm having small church and small town experience.  I miss large church life- the staff, the programs, the opportunities in the church and community.  So maybe I am called to large church life?  There are days though when I enjoy the more quiet atmosphere and being able to know each person in the pew and their stories, and having deeper relationships.  Sometimes I enjoy having the extra time to do continuing education events more easily or serve on more committees at the conference level that this appointment has allowed for.  But overall, I feel like I am more called to a larger church and community.

Mission: What is the mission of Morgantown UMC?  I hear statements like, "We reach out to the community."  "We welcome people that some other local churches won't."  "We do our best to practice open hearts, open minds, open doors."  I also hear from people outside the church say things like, "That church isn't welcoming..."  So what is our mission exactly?  I haven't heard one particular statement that resonates with what I have experienced.  Maybe I need to keep listening.  And, what is my mission for my time here?  To grow the church? (Unlikely, since the community is dying)  To maintain the church?  (In small town life, that is a sign of success) To shape the church more into a welcoming community?  To try to start a program for the youth in the church and the community?  (Possibly in the works already)  To continue to bring the church together after some recent division?  To challenge members and love them?  To hear their stories?  Some of those things are certainly doable in my mind.

Vision:  What is the church's vision looking forward?  My vision?  Is there hope in Morgantown?  Is there life? Is there hope for my time here?  Stay tuned...